A conversation with the daughter I never had. Please don’t twerk.

Choice Eleanor

In keeping with the spirit of this blog the following lyrics are powerful. I am going to bunch several songs together.  You can hear any of these songs on the radio.

Are you ready? For this jelly? (that’ s not it- that’s just funny)

Better pack a toothbrush
Gonna pull an all-nighter
We been keeping it kosher
But I wanna get it on for sure
Come gimme some of that yum like a lollipop
Baby don’t be scared

“Come gimme some of that yum like a lollipop”- okay I get it. Next.

Yeah, I heard you good with them soft lips
Yeah you know word of mouth
The square root of 69 is 8 somethin’, right?
‘Cause I’ve been tryna work it out, oh

Say my name, say my name, wear it out
It’s getting hot, crack a window, air it out
I can get you through a mighty long day girl

Not everybody
Knows how to work my body
Knows how to make me want it
But, boy, you stay up on it

Wowza! Is it hot in here? Anyone getting uncomfortable yet?

Ready to really blush? Here we go.

 You got your legs up in the sky
With the devil in your eyes
Let me hear you say you want it all
Say it now, say it now

Yeah, I got a fistful of your hair
But you don’t look like you’re scared
You just smile and tell me, “Daddy, it’s yours.”
‘Cause you know how I like it,
You’s a dirty little lover

WHOOAAA!!!!  (Bummer about this song- its super catchy and Bruno is really talented!)

Don’t worry.  What you will not get in this post is a barrage of reasons and opinions claiming that pop culture, including music, is causing society’s sexual moral compass to go to Hell. Literally.  There are plenty of people on that soapbox and I honestly believe it is overcrowded.  Besides, it isn’t a new thing for artists to sing about sex.  (let’s be real- we were all singing Genie In A Bottle to the top of our lungs in ’99 ~ or how about the greatest slow jam every written for behind closed doors…Let’s Get It On.) What I have noticed is  artists are becoming more literal in their lyrics about sex and sexuality and we no longer have to guess or assume what they are singing about.  The message is clear. So I have to wonder…Is the message about sex clear in our marriages, homes and relationships? Does it play a defining role in who we are as women? Are we being literal with this subject? Because pop culture is.

I was thinking about the impression these songs make on the generation we are dropping off at school, all ages, every morning. If the world; media, culture, music, entertainment, Hardees, are all talking LOUD about sex; shouldn’t we as parents, caregivers, the church-also talk LOUD about it?

Josh and I will talk about it with our sons.  If only to save my future daughter-in-laws from the sexual expectation portrayed in these songs.

This topic hits a nerve for me.  Maybe because I am just like any other woman fighting for her self-worth in an over-sexualized culture.  Maybe because I spent years in the bar industry lusted over and valued for my looks. I can’t be mad at those gentlemen though, because I let them banter. I let them. Maybe it’s because of my past when sex was used as leverage for a personal agenda. Perhaps it’s because I know my husband chooses me daily although he is bombard with sexual propaganda. It’s probably because I am a mother.

I was fortunate to be raised by parents who were open and honest about sex with their children. I am thankful for that. God gave me three unbelievable sons. If Josh and I were to have had a daughter, this would be my promise, and conversation with her.

My Girl-

You are beautiful. God, Josh and I made you, so how could you not be? (I really would say that) One day a young man will also let loose these words into your life, and when that day comes I can only hope that your father and I will have given you a fair and true definition of what beauty is. You are little now, and I know I am the first woman you will watch react to a man’s affection and praise, and your father is the first man you will watch give it out. We know the importance of boundaries for you, and we will honor them when you are a child.   As you grow, I will try to respect myself and believe that I am loved, so you can rest in the truth that you are loved. We will play, most certainly dance, and sing loudly anytime the urge hits us, and we will do our best to answer any questions you may have, no matter the silliness of the subject. In this family, we will be kind to anyone who looks different from us (so everyone) and look for ways to help.  We know the only way you will feel comfortable doing this is by watching your parents. You will know that there is beauty in everyone. Through your childhood we will give you a real picture of marriage and conflict resolution. When you are turning into a young lady, again, we promise to answer openly and honestly any questions you may have and hope you will feel confident and safe enough to ask us your questions. We will teach you to love Jesus. By example.

One day a young man will tell you that you are beautiful. You may feel like you are falling in love. Maybe in the bliss of young love it will seem natural to become intimate. On this day you will be equipped to make your own choice. Your father and I will have done our best to show you your beauty and your worth, and we will have been completely transparent about sex and boundaries. You will know how adored you are by your Creator.  On this day we hope you will wait.

You do not have to learn from our past mistakes, but we will share them with you anyway. My beautiful girl, no matter your choice~you are loved. And if you choose to explore sex at an early age and outside of marriage~you are loved. But I promise you it will change you.  You may become emotional attached on a level far more advanced than you expected. Suddenly your beauty and worth will be exposed to this young man to define. But I am not worried for you-because you will know who you are before he can define it for you. I will be here to talk through your choices with you, whenever I am needed.

Lastly, and most importantly, please don’t twerk. Ever.  The cabbage patch will do.

We love you.

I hope this post will jumpstart conversations between mothers and daughters and fathers and sons. I hope this will prompt conversations in marriages. Don’t leave it up to the sixth grade health teacher and Bruno Mars to teach your children about sex.

Though I don’t have a daughter- I have this girl to fight for~


and these two ~


and my niece, my sweet sister-rita


There are so many other faces I could post-each face worth a thousand words and a thousand conversations if those words empowered them to know who they are as a young girls, far before they become women.

We were created to have sex. We weren’t created to be defined by our sexual experiences.  And our children should know this.

(I considered ending this post with “Let’s Get It On” because it’s just so groovy-maybe if I ever post about marriage! hehe)

5 thoughts on “A conversation with the daughter I never had. Please don’t twerk.

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