I’m Good, I’m Type A

Jamie and her husband Cale are the kind of people you just find yourself wanting to hang out with more.  I asked Jamie to share her story of faith and fear and am so excited to have her on the blog.  The song she wrote about I have been wanting to share for awhile, but the words never came together.  Now I know it’s because the song was Jamie’s to share. If you see Jamie, Cale and their daughter around town you will smile, because they will be smiling at you. Enjoy.

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I tend to be a bit of a control freak. What I mean is full on multi-tasking, my way is the right way, let’s do it this way, drive my wonderful husband crazy-control freak. There have been times in my life where I felt that I had tackled all the challenges and wrestled them down to a healthy equilibrium and where all my teeter-totters were evenly balanced. Wow! It’s a lot of work, but yet how sweet that one day is, or the six hours, of which it may last, that everything is in order. It’s exhausting to read and I know how slippery these slopes are. When I hit the slopes in what I would consider a self downward spiral or loss of control and balance, I become completely disappointed in my life performance.

How could I let this happen? I had it all together…..for six hours at least, maybe even a day.

Fast forward a couple of years and enter Tatum Leigh; our first born baby girl. Early on in my pregnancy doctors discovered I was carrying a baby that had several heart defects; to the point that they could not make a formal diagnosis in utero because it was difficult to determine what part(s) of her tiny heart were present and what part(s) she could be missing.

Record skips…my control freak mind started racing…

What’s a congenital heart defect? Will she die? This cannot be happening; we’ve done all the right things. I’ve done all the right things. What can we do?

I will call upon Your Name, Keep my eyes above the waves, When oceans rise, My soul will rest in Your embrace, I am Yours and You are mine

Test after test, multiple emotional break downs, becoming educated, reaching out, asking for prayer and direction, and fighting through this reality became our normal. How could I possibly control this? Without getting too far into the medical terminology it was later determined that Tatum’s heart was not pumping enough oxygen rich blood to her lungs and she was suffocating. There were a couple complicated twists to her heart defects, making this anything but a text book diagnosis.

Her first open heart surgery was performed when Tatum was eight days old and it did not have the outcome her surgeon and doctors were looking for. We were strongly encouraged to seek out a second opinion for her next open heart surgery. The team knew where we needed to go.  There was one specific surgeon who pioneered a surgery that might, emphasis on might, repair Tatum’s heart in only one major surgery, versus several small surgeries if we stayed with our current surgical team.

So after careful planning, hundreds of prayers and a visit with this confident surgeon, we packed up our six month old baby and her portable oxygen machine and were off to Palo Alto, California. Over Christmas we prayed for a surgery that would have us returning with a healthier baby girl.

TatumTatum 2

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, And my faith would be made stronger, In the presence of my Savior.

Do you see what’s happening here? When you are forced to follow, listen, walk by faith and fall straight into the arms of God, you give up your will and begin to understand that His will trumps all. So the conversation with my type A self started to become this-

Jamie! Why are you constantly fighting? No matter how perfect you think you are at balancing  this life, it’s not up to you! Don’t you get it? Let go of the wheel, you don’t know the road map any way! Let it go girl; faith over fear. FAITH OVER FEAR.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters, Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You’ve never failed and You won’t start now.

It’s no secret that having a child changes your life. From the first to the final addition of your family, we as parents are in a constant state of adapting. Changes to our sleep schedules, work schedules, eating schedules, DID those pants used to fit, man I look tired, and organized chaos that becomes our day-to-day quickly becomes the normal. Our ‘normal’ was a bit different as it was sprinkled with heavy emotional turmoil from the medical challenges Tatum faced and will continue to face her entire life.

So friend, what do you do with your turmoil? Pray about it, do the best you can, and trust that your journey is not made alone. Your journey is about who you are, and who you are becoming in the mystery of faith. This song can help along the way.

 And there I find You in the mystery. In oceans deep my faith will stand.

~Oceans: Hillsong United~ Lyrics below

Henderson Fam

Oceans~Hillsong United

You call me out upon the water
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

Chorus:
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed, and You won’t start now

Chorus:
So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours, and You are mine

Bridge:
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior x 7

Ending:
I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours, and You are mine

Tatum 3Tatum Leigh is a bubbly, active and joyful two year old who continues to fight her diagnosis while living life to the fullest daily. She is the absolute love of her parent’s lives. Cale and Jamie are relentless in their pursuit to educate, raise awareness and support for families with children who are fighting heart conditions. Notably this Christmas the Henderson’s raised $3000 for the local Ronald McDonald Home by collecting donations for Cale to shave off his very manly and very impressive beard. In February they attended the Heart Ball and shared their story of Tatum’s journey. They are an awesome three-piece.

2 thoughts on “I’m Good, I’m Type A

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