On Miscarriages

Can we talk about the HCG hormone for minute? It is crazy.

The medical talk :: HCG is the hormone needed for pregnancy. It’s the magic that pulls the positive line on the pregnancy test. It’s the hormone that keeps the pregnancy viable and healthy. In the early stages of pregnancy it floods a women’s blood stream, along with a healthy dose of progesterone and estrogen that one needs to have a successful pregnancy.

The real talk :: This hormone, the Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG), should just be called the ‘I’m gonna mess you up’ hormone. Usually when I read the word chorionic I read chronic. It’s the Human Chronic Hormone in my head. Except it doesn’t work like chronic, which would calm a sister down (so they say)-it works more like the Human Crack Cocaine Hormone-which causes a short-lived, intense high that is immediately followed by the opposite—sadness, depression, and edginess.

Ummm…that’s a miscarriage.


A miscarriage is a complex event. I have had three, and a chemical pregnancy. Adding my three beautiful boys to this equation; I have been pregnant seven times.  I have no idea why I spent the latter years of my twenties and early thirties pregnant, but alas, I have experienced the turbulence that a miscarriage can offer.

Here is the trouble with miscarriages :: you emotionally feel everything, or you don’t feel anything, or you feel a little something, then you wonder why you don’t feel more, or less or adequately enough. Physically, yeah, physically you feel it. It’s gross.

Then there are these hormones. These hormones that have set up camp in your beautiful body and flooded you with excitement and hope and wonder OR with fear and uncertainty (if the timing wasn’t what you had in mind) and then your body decides it is time for them to leave. Leave they do, taking their sweet time, leaving you crying and looking for chocolate.

I’m telling ya sweet sister that may be going through this or have experienced this-miscarriages are a mind trip. MIND TRIP.

But the fog will lift. It will lift.

There is nothing I can say, or that was ever said to me, that will make it make sense. It is just one of those things in life that doesn’t. It just happens. Medically, I understand the reasons. Spiritually, I have always had a hard time understanding.

If you were sitting on my couch going through this experience I would listen and nod. I would tell you that exactly what you are feeling is exactly what you need to feel. If you are grieving a deep loss; not only of the child but also of your desire to be a mother then grieve. There is no getting around it, just meet the grief and allow your (hopefully) community of family and friends to walk with you and encourage you. Allow your husband to walk with you as well. He won’t get it. Still allow him space on the road beside you.

If you are struggling with identifying this as a loss or feelings of needing to be more distraught, release yourself from that expectation. Many women miscarry without even knowing and chalk it up to an eventful or hard menstrual cycle. You are feeling exactly what you need to feel. 

Most importantly, just allow yourself to go through the experience. There are so many of us, many women who have carried and lost a child. You are not alone.

To my dear momma who is shattered by this loss, be gentle with yourself. You will look for the answers. You will ask the hard questions. You will question your body and your spouse’s body. You may question God. Talk with him anyway.

That gentleness inside of you is the stuff mommies need. So keep it.

And keep that four-letter word you will need to get through this. Hope. Don’t let go of it. Ask questions, seek answers, pray. Tuck hope away-keep it.

I am sorry about the crazy-crack-experience, but I promise the fog will lift.

Hang in there-


As stated, the spiritual side of miscarriage I have pondered often. I have read, studied, been given words of encouragement and wisdom and I have settled with the knowledge that this is something that I don’t and won’t understand, among many others. I trust that God is good. It didn’t feel that way in the middle of the loss, but after the bustle settled down, I could see his goodness. That’s it.

Sometimes miscarriages deal a devastating blow when you have been waiting, and waiting, to become pregnant. If you are licking your wounds-maybe this song will help-

Laura Hackett~Here With Me Now~

Just knowing that you’re here with me now

It changes everything, It changes everything

Cause I thought  that I had to make it on my own, But you stopped that and claimed me as your own. I thought that I had to make it on my own but you stopped that and called me yours, You called me yours

Just knowing that you’re here with me now It changes everything

Don’t give up on me now, cause I’m scared and I need you strong when I’m weak,   Hold on and believe in me.

When my heart just can’t figure out what it wants, please give me a reason to trust you’ll still fight for me.


PS-All of the medical info is a hodgepodge of info from Baby Center!! And well, personal experience. Except for the crack knowledge. Blah!!!


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