Someone, Anyone, Please Tell Me The Truth.

I think there is a lie that we are telling ourselves. That we are telling our people.

It is the lie that I am okay. When I am not okay.

I think there is a lie that we are telling our people. That we are telling ourselves.

It is the lie that they are okay. When they are not okay.

**************************************************************************

I want to tell you about my truth-tellers and my truth-keepers.

For a few weeks last summer my littlest son decided he would lose his mind. Without the maturity and tools to properly express himself he battled the rules of this family with might and endurance. His will was impressive. His tantrums and wailing effective. He was warring against our control and structure, and he came extremely close to breaking me. Wait…he did break me.

His daily battles left him looking like this:

Jude Crying

His daily battles also left me sweaty and crying.

One afternoon Josh and I loaded the boys into the car and went for a ride to break up the mutiny. We had no destination. Anywhere but home. Jude screamed the entire trip, frustrated at being strapped into his car seat.

We decided to drop by our friend Dana’s house. I left my screaming child in the car, with my husband and my two other boys. “I will be quick” I said.

When I walked in Dana smiled and asked me how I was doing. I started to weep. “I’m OK” I managed to get out. “You are not OK.” she said. “In fact you have not been OK for awhile, you are a hot mess.”

I didn’t argue. I just cried. On that day, in her house, I was tired of lying to myself. I was also exhausted of the charade of excusing and minimizing what I was really feeling. Dana offered no wise counsel or encouraging words. She only told me what I did not want to hear,  but what I needed to hear, and what was important to say. She told me the truth.

***********************************************************************************

I have women in my life that are my truth-TELLERS. These women do not fear my response or the chance I will be offended. They extract hidden agendas and false emotions from my Christian-friendly answers. They are honest with me. They tell me the truth I am hiding. The key with these women is that I know they love me, that they have nothing to gain from calling me out, that no matter the outcome they will STAY.

The thing is, everything they tell me I already know. Actually, it is not the first I have heard most of it. My parents, my family, my husband have all expressed concerns. I have no idea why it is so hard to hear concern from family, but sometimes it is. Maybe it’s because we don’t want people digging too deep into our heart. Especially people who know us so well. Maybe it is because we have buried our truths for so long that the lie is all we know.

My truth-tellers do not try to fix me. What they do well, very well, is listen. They are a safe place for me to land my overstimulated and hyper-emotional self on. They offer no personal stories or false hope. They just listen. Then they repeat my truth back to me. Even if it is hard for me to hear, and hard for them to say. No matter how ugly or repulsive a thought or feeling may seem, it is safe with them. They are looking for the truth.

I have learned if you want to be whole and complete, you need to hand your truth-tellers a shovel. And let them dig.

After settling that I was indeed falling apart and could no longer lie to myself, I had two choices. The first, accept the truth and start trying to uncover the root of my depression AND work towards a healthier me OR the second, accept the truth and stay there in my hopelessness.

For a little bit-I decided to stay. Some days I still re-visit and wallow in the muck of depression. These days, this place, is where my truth-KEEPERS are my light. These women, people really, are the keepers of my truths when I believe the lie that I will never get better. Truth-keepers hold the truth that is healing and beautiful, and repeat it back to you when you’ve forgotten how to love yourself. These people are your cheer-leaders, the ones on the sidelines during the race holding up signs and handing out water. They know who you are, who you will become, they love you and they are gentle with your truth. They don’t give up. They give you space to heal, grace when you rebound, they offer prayers and words of encouragement. They keep the truths that you are beautiful, capable, and alive and offer them back when you feel defeated.

A truth-keeper stitches up the wounds suffered while honesty is being dug out by a truth-teller. They are the ones who see you through to really being okay.

Truth

In a culture that embraces the ‘you are OK exactly how you are’ mentality, I think we need more courageous people to shout out BS. If you are broken, controlled by addiction, a slave to depression, overwhelmed, filled with anxiety, angry, suicidal, YOU ARE NOT OK.

What is OK is being honest with yourself, and with the people who love you.

And those of us (those of you) who are telling the truths and keeping the truths, we can’t give up. We can’t leave people behind to rebuild on their own. Especially if you claim to follow Jesus – We show up. We stay. We help. We speak truth. We speak love.

(my truth-tellers and keepers please stay ;)

Another word for these keepers and tellers of truth is FRIENDS. I hit the lottery.

Who are you? Are you a teller of hard truths or keeper of beautiful truths?  Are you both? Are you the one who needs to hear the truth? Do you know someone who does?

It is time to listen, grab a shovel, or stitch a wound. It is time for people who are not OK to say “I am not OK, can you help?” It is time for us to help.

And as always, hang in there. You only need strength for today.

******************************************************************

There is a scripture in the bible that says “then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ~ John 8:32. This refers to the saving and beautiful redemptive nature and teachings of Jesus, when you know him you will be set free. I have found it to be true in all my experiences with truth and life. It really does free us from ourselves. That’s a reason to get out of bed for me.

A big shout out to Bekka, Dana, Christa and my family for never being afraid to love me, and tell me the hard stuff. Thank you for listening. Thank you for digging. Thank you for the times you were a truth-keeper as well.

A second HEY-YA to my truth-keepers. You know who you are, because you have probably encouraged me this week, this month, in the last 15 minutes. There are so many of you cheering me on. I see you. I appreciate you. Thank you for not giving up.

Wanna read another story about how truth changed the course of my life, and saved my son? Ok read here.

********************************************************************************

Picking up what I am throwing down? I throw-down on FB also! Catch up with me! Like on FB and introduce yourself! I wanna know my readers!

 

3 thoughts on “Someone, Anyone, Please Tell Me The Truth.

  1. What a beautiful post. Isn’t it sad that we keep putting on the bandaid that “I’m okay.”? It’s so okay to NOT be okay! It isn’t until you admit being broken that you can be fixed.
    Beautifully written!
    Dana

  2. How awesome that the Father would entrust you with this message… At the same time ever wanted to say “it sucks” that You have given me this message!
    I love the way you bring truth!! Keep believing that your message is not just changing you… Your message is changing all who hear it!!! Love you!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s