Dear Husbands and Fathers, (or anyone loving a mother this Mother’s Day)
Mother’s Day is on your doorstep. Flowers are beautiful, and will make the mothers in your lives feel beautiful and loved. Cards are special because they include words, and words have the power to wake people from complacent and irrelevant slumbers. Gifts are also important, as well as warm embraces and quality time. These things are valuable, especially on Mother’s Day, but this year, this day, I want you to look for the small things.
This is why ::
I have felt tremors of things since our last son was born. Tremors of sadness. Tremors of hopelessness. Tremors of anxiety. Anxiety that is paralyzing when holding a situation captive. Any situation. Anxiety that shakes through our house and puffs out it’s chest in authority. Anxiety that I know, that we know, can be triggered by the smallest of things.
The very smallest of things.
Stacks and stacks of laundry, folded or unfolded. Toys that sprinkle and pepper the floor of the rooms meant to live and not live in. Dishes from meals long ago that filled tummies, bathrooms that need to be wiped down, crumbs that are colonizing in corners, papers that need to be sorted and filed.
Stories that need to be read, hands that need to be wiped, dinners that need to be planned, cars that need to be vacuumed, crying babies that need to be picked up, diapers that need to be changed, children that need to be bathed.
That mother, that wife that you love. She will get to it all. Cause thats what we do.
We get to it all.
And our heart tells us to embrace the getting, and the doing, and the loving, and the mess and the frustrations. But our mind is telling us this is hard.
It does feel easier though, when you step into the getting. When you step into the hard. You stepping in is such a big thing. A big thing that reminds us that mothering is something we can do. And do well. A big thing that makes us feel like we are not small things.
Small things that are overlooked.
We are not overlooked, when you help us with our small things.
Your sweet wife or mother of your children may not feel tremors inside. She may be a natural at this mothering thing. Full of patience, and understanding.
But I know every woman has a small thing. A small thing that she wishes you would help her with. A small thing she wishes you would hear her say, or see as her need.
We women, we mothers, sometimes we can hold these wishes inside and drop little bread crumbs. That’s not fair to you. But we do it. Cause that’s what we do.
We get to it all. And hold things inside.
I know if you cue in to her body language and words, she is telling you what she needs. Even if she doesn’t know what she needs. She is telling you. Watch her.
The flowers, the cards, the gifts on Mother’s Day- they really are wonderful. But they are easy.
Finding her small thing, that is work. But she is doing the most important work of her life.
Can you let her know this weekend how much that work matters to you, and to her children, by helping her with her small thing?
I know you can.
We need you. We really do.
This Mother’s Day, we need YOU to be the gift.
Happy Mother’s Day Mothers! All of you. Every single one of you. There are so many shades of Mothers. You are all beautiful. PS-Hey you-you single parent-mad respect. You set the bar for all of us.