When Your Wife Needs To Go….Let Her Go

Husbands, Spouses, Daddies..this one is for you.

I’ve got a favor to ask, a petition, a battle cry, on behalf of the lady in your life. This is me, sitting with you, looking you in the eye and calmly getting to the point, because hallelujah I know you don’t want details, you want the big picture in one simple point.

So-here it is. If, and more commonly, WHEN, your wife or the one you love needs to go, then you gotta let her go.

Where you ask? It could be anywhere really. Target. The front seat of her car. Down the street. A coffee shop. A weekend getaway with the girls. It doesn’t matter, the location always has the same purpose…to GET OUT OF DODGE.

Now, this next stuff is important.  The above was getting to the point. The following is why the point is needed so hang in there with me. If that lady of yours is herding smallish people all day, or if she works and comes home to herd until the night, then when she looks at you and says “babe, I need a break”- then those are your cue words. You are now cued in to the oncoming of her crazy-she is letting you in-asking for help-this is your chance.

It is in this moment, this balance, that you have to encourage or at the very least agree that a break is needed. This is a vulnerable place. A testy place. If your face reads resentment, if your words fly off handles and walls, then she will retreat inward, or volcano outward, with you in the line of fire.

And this is why. Your wife, the one you loved or love, she changes. The woman that met you at the end of an aisle will change as you walk back down the aisle together. No longer single that woman, now a wife. A new role. A new skin. And so the change comes; homemaker, career chaser and holder, and maybe the one that rocks the insides, mother. All that change.

In all this you have probably thought your wife was loosing it. Emotional. Sensitive. Irrational. Cold. You were right. Sorry for that, because we can be nuts and you have to deal with it. Our crazy can run deep and true. But often it is found in all of the change and all of the new skins. So we try to remember who we were before, and try to wiggle and fit into who we are now, and try and shape who we want to become.

If your woman is a momma, well, all of this gets mixed up. Because momma can move itself to the top, and all of the other ‘hers’ will fall to the side. She will feel that. And so, will probably ask you for a break. Without the kids. Let her go without the kids. For the love, without the KIDS! (I just raised my voice at you, apologies)

Mommas need to know who they are without their children. This is healthy and good, because one day they will be women without their children. One day they will be women who no longer ask permission to be away from their kids, but ask permission to be with their kids. One day their house will shift quietly, the rooms will be empty and they will be holding their momma skin in their hands trying to understand how it fits again. How will they, we, know if we don’t see who we are away from them in the littlish years? How could we transition from someone always needing us to only you wanting us? How can all this stretching and changing not rattle even the most sane of mothers?

With your help, that’s how. See, I told you this was very important. With you letting us go…when we need to go.

This time-out, this place of solidarity, this weekend with her friends, this conference she has asked to go to or this trip home to see her family, it will allow her brain the opportunity to gather all of the ‘hers’, look at them, breathe, and regroup. It is a precious, holy even, time for her.

Careful, however, to use your “let” purely and honestly, not as leverage or a wager. This is not a one for one, this is a one for her. Back to the crazy feelings-she will know, feel, when guilt is tied to your “let”. If she takes your guilt with her, she won’t get down to the work, or the relaxing, that needs to be done.  Plus, she will be fighting the guilt she will take along anyway.

While she is away you will survive! Yes you will! And it may be hard. And you may (should) call your mother for help. Or a friend. And she will have slaved away before leaving to make it as easy as possible for you and yet still…it could be a disaster. Really your goal is to keep everyone alive. You can do this. All of this is ok…because you love her. Or you did at one time. And when she comes back, that is what she will feel. Loved. Unless, of course, you are dramatic about how bad it sucked. At this point, it is also beneficial to only give information that she needs. Having been away, she will surprise you with what she can handle. She will love you more.

So, that’s it. You really do matter. We know you work hard. We know you love the kids. Some days we even know, or remember, that you love us. You are appreciated. Still, when your woman has got to go….then let her go. Want her to go.

And ladies-if you get the opportunity…..no looking back! YOU GOTTA GO!

P.S. Single mommas..parents..I just respect you-mad respect. 

momma

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Hello!!! Thanks for hanging out here for a bit! If you are loving what you are reading, then follow Courtney Misener on FB or on Insta @ cmisener! You are welcome here always!!!

9 thoughts on “When Your Wife Needs To Go….Let Her Go

  1. Utter BS in this. This blog implies that we fathers don’t pitch in equally and that your sanity is more important. Truth is, most households have TWO working parents and there are times when EITHER may need a break to recover. Not just Mom, but Dad too.

    • I agree with you Matt. From my experience-the mom is far less likely to take a break if the man of the house gives her hell for it. My sanity is important. Very. If you are a father-I hope you are getting a time to rest as well. Thanks for reading.

      • And the same if the lady gives him hell for it he won’t get a break either. It’s a team sport raising kids, that’s for sure. My point is don’t focus on just the mother’s needs, but also of the father’s it is just as sexist and unfair as men focusing on keeping women down.

    • Might be utter “BS” in your house, but my husband does not pitch in equally, not even close. He also gets an 8+ hour break from our kids every single day when he goes to work. It’s work, but it’s a change from taking care of little kids, which is good for your brain. Oh also, he’s much better at getting a break than me… like at least once a day he goes and does something alone for an hour or more. Gym time, bike rides, whatever. Why? Because I’m the default parent. The parent that runs her own business out of the house. The one who is ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE KIDS UNLESS OTHER ARRANGEMENTS ARE MADE. My husband is exactly who she’s talking to. He assumes that I’m available for the kids 24/7 and can make whatever plans he wants. I’m not alone in this, the story is the same for many friends. Husbands get all bent out of shape if we go for a drink after a PTA meeting for an hour… funny the only reason for them to get bent out of shape is to admit how incredibly hard it is to take care of a brood of little kids.

  2. I just happened to land here, but wanted to say this; you don’t need to focus on us guys. You do you and write to the audience that’s on your heart. There are plenty of articles written to help men. Addressing one issue is not negating, belittling or neglecting another. Trolls suck.

    • Thanks for the love. I’m for men. Love mine. He’s good-better to me than I probably deserve. I do know many a lady who needs their man to let them take a break. I do use the word “let” on purpose. Thanks Sean!!! Your comment is appreciated.

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